Well, my intentions were to start writing more positive posts....mostly because I thought things were going a wee bit better.
But I was wrong.
This post is about Tiffany. She is 21 now. I thought that at 21 a sort of maturity starts to set in.
But I was wrong.
She called 4 weeks ago to ask my advice about the second boyfriend she has been shacking up with. He told her he doesn't want her anymore. He is cheating on her and tells her so...."should I break up?"
In my mind I say "no shit sherlock" - but on the phone I say, "Well, it sounds to me like he only wants you for sex when it is convenient for him. What more do you need to hear? He said he doesn't want to be with you anymore."
I continue to cast my pearls.... "You need someone who will cherish you. You need to be single for awhile and learn to love yourself. You need to see yourself the way God sees you...." etc.
It sounds like she is really taking it to heart. She vows to break up with him and hold her head high like I advised her.
She stays with him and asks me how much it costs to go to England because she wants to spend her leftover college money on taking him there. Dumb.
Awhile before that she asked for advice about a nasty rash. I figure it is an std and find a clinic in the city she lives in for her to go to. She asks what is an std? Apparently that public education didn't do much in that area. She says she didn't go because she didn't have the bus fare. Besides, the recurring oozing rash is better.
She calls several more times for advice, I give it, she does the opposite. Keep in mind that I never really EXPECT her to take my advice, but I feel compelled to give her the 'rightest' answer that I can...it's a mom thing.
She texts me frantically the other day for more advice. Do I think she should go to the beach house that she and her boyfriend were invited to before they broke up (they are broken up but still living together...) and she got time off work and some of her friends will be there and she really wants to go but he does not want her there and does not even want to be her friend?
I say no, you should not go. He will only make you feel bad about yourself and cause drama and you don't need that. She asks my oldest daughter the same question and she gave her the same answer I gave her. She is going to go anyway.
Today she is looking for an apartment in the town and state she lives in, which is not the same as ours. She calls me and talks about a studio apartment that she is looking at but they charge $250 deposit for cats. I explained that she is getting a deal because that is a low deposit for pets.
She texts me later and asks if we could help her out with that deposit so she could get into the $540 per month apartment. I ask her how much she makes per month. She doesn't know but thinks it is about $400. I point out that she still needs more money for the other deposit, monthly rent, utilities, groceries, cat food and litter, transportation to work and school and wondered if she had counted the cost yet and what is the plan to pay for the monthly expenses?
John texts her some fatherly advice like maybe thinking again about the military or some education because she cannot afford to pay for an apartment on her own and she doesn't want to end up with another shack up situation where she is disrespected by these guys, etc. It was kind, but firmly the truth.
That is when we got "dis-parented" - or maybe it was a divorce from her...
She texted him back and asked why is it that her only parents won't help her and always belittle and put her down. We never have faith in her and don't think she can do anything.
huh?
She went on to say that she wishes we had never adopted her and never wants to talk to or see either one of us ever again.
So there.
I guess I was wrong....about everything.
